Carolyn Hax: New boyfriend sends his visitor out on an etiquette limb


However I simply can’t fathom going empty-handed. Any concepts as to what I can convey?

By no means Empty-Handed: Inform Boyfriend you’d wish to get in contact together with his mom immediately, if he gained’t work with you on this.

Additionally inform him his “you don’t have to convey something” is simple for him to say, and possibly even well-intended by letting you off the hook — nevertheless it truly places you in a clumsy place. He’s seeing this by way of the household lens, however you aren’t household and also you’re newish to everybody, so you do not know how you will be judged.

You wish to make an excellent impression. If he needs to set you as much as succeed, then he both wants to offer you a token technique to contribute, or be extra considerate in explaining his household tradition to you, or join you to his mother (or whoever’s internet hosting) to search out out for your self.

If he resists all of those, then, whoo. That is not a cooperative particular person.

RE: Empty-Handed: I agree with Carolyn that it could be finest if you happen to may name the mother immediately. I additionally wish to take a small reward for the host/hostess at a celebration, however I might recommend by no means taking meals to a dinner except you could have been requested to — for, say, a potluck. Don’t shock them with a present you count on them to serve at that very meal. Many cooks plan their complete meal and take delight in having the whole lot from appetizer to dessert to wine picks.

The exception can be in case your meals or drink reward is definitely a present, for the hosts to devour later, and in that case make sure you inform them that whenever you current it.

Re: Visitor: Sure, please arrive empty-handed. I discover internet hosting people who find themselves compelled to convey one thing, something, very tiring. High-quality to ask if you happen to can contribute to the meal, for example, but when the reply isn’t any, then settle for that.

Drained: Sure, sure. After I inform my friends what (not) to convey, I need them to take me at my phrase, not ship me searching for a vase for the stunning and well-meant flowers.

Within the case of somebody new being invited into the fold, although, the requirements shift a bit. The stability of energy is extra precarious. The boyfriend will be extra useful right here. That’s all.

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