So now I’m 45, 100 p.c working from residence. For the primary time in my life, I can costume solely to please myself, however I don’t understand how to do this. Any suggestions how you can determine for myself what works, choose what I like, and (the actually onerous half) belief the choices I make? Perhaps that is actually a confidence drawback?
Nameless: It could be, positive, whenever you’ve had it drilled into you that you simply and your tastes are unsuitable or don’t matter, it may be onerous to tune that voice out, even whenever you wish to. Plus, there’s a cascading impact: You be taught to doubt your self, so your ear is educated to pick the messages that affirm how unsuitable or inappropriate you might be. Perhaps you bought encouraging messages, too, however couldn’t consider these compliments or belief their supply.
Consciousness is Step 1 to counteract this brainwashing. For Step 2, I recommend emotional and retail assist from remedy, which could take a while to arrange, and an expert stylist. The latter consists of too many choices to record, and I believe the emotional help is paramount, however on-line companies, some departments shops, native execs and thoroughly filtered social media all might be sources.
Perhaps begin in particular person, although, for the arrogance enhance from somebody who sees the way you look. And nonetheless doable, make this enjoyable. Discover somebody who will play dress-up with you: the particular person all of us want generally.
· Oh, I want we have been mates, I’d like to buy groceries with you! Please don’t strain your self to search out The One True Model for the remainder of your life. I not too long ago transitioned from very conservative work clothes to one thing extra enjoyable, and had some hits and misses. Do you might have a trendy good friend whose opinion you belief, who desires that will help you discover what YOU like? Might you wander by way of a division or thrift retailer and simply attempt random issues on?
Pricey Carolyn: How can I determine if issues I’ve skilled qualify as “trauma?” I used to be (fortunately) by no means assaulted or abused, however I’ve had some whammies that rocked my world, and never in a great way.
I don’t wish to dilute the very actual traumatic experiences others have had by claiming one thing in my historical past was traumatic when it doesn’t dwell as much as that description. I additionally don’t wish to dismiss a few of the experiences I’ve had as mere difficulties, since they nonetheless have an effect on me. Sure, remedy has helped me with a whole lot of it, however there may be all the time extra lurking.
Traumatized?: Trauma will not be comparative or zero-sum. That somebody endured one thing worse doesn’t imply you didn’t undergo one thing unhealthy. In case you are struggling, then get the allow you to suppose you want. No definitions or self-diagnoses vital: “X occurred, and I nonetheless really feel Y.”
Preventively, I’d urge staying off social media until you might be extra assured in your plan to unrock your world. Its “How will you say X is unhealthy when Y is so clearly worse!!!” tradition is hard on the rattled soul.