What I don’t get is individuals who act prefer it’s no huge deal to face in entrance of anybody seated. To me, that’s the top of inconsideration. They appear to get offended and argue with me — regardless of how well mannered I’m — after I ask them to sit down. I’m starting to suppose that what I take into account “well mannered” may not meet another person’s definition.
Is there a extra well mannered manner for me to ask people to sit down down, or am I out of luck?
Questions on who is being the rudest don’t typically enchantment to Miss Manners, whose mission is to make everybody extra well mannered, to not preserve rating.
However asking somebody to sit down down just isn’t inherently impolite, as long as you phrase it as a query, not a requirement — and might keep away from conveying, on the identical time, what you consider the offender.
Expensive Miss Manners: I belong to a neighborhood group that performs mah-jongg as soon as per week. We’re a pleasant bunch that welcomes inexperienced gamers.
Most newcomers are likely to play very slowly and are conscious they’re holding up the sport. Completely different newbies deal with the state of affairs in numerous methods. For instance, one individual may sit out each different sport, whereas one other may play just one sport every session. Regularly, everybody who likes the sport and sticks with it learns to play and joins in an increasing number of.
There’s by no means been an issue till now. A latest addition to the group insists on enjoying each sport. She takes an unlimited size of time to determine what tile to discard, checking and rechecking the cardboard for a doable profitable hand.
The result’s that the remainder of the folks at her desk spend a lot of the two hours we’ve to play sitting and ready. We’ve tried beginning a low-volume dialog whereas we wait, however she joins in, which solely makes issues worse. We’ve tried in a pleasant manner (as we’ve executed with others) to offer her some ideas which are useful for learners. Thus far, she hasn’t adopted our recommendation.
How would Miss Manners deal with the state of affairs?
You’ll, Miss Manners hopes, take into account it unsporting when you hid the foundations of the sport from new gamers. So why make them guess on the etiquette?
Agree upon a system, and inform the newcomers what is predicted. Nearly any system will do: that newcomers are assigned a accomplice, are instructed to sit down out each different sport, or are given the responsibility of replenishing the snacks. Any of those would give the extra skilled gamers some aid.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by Saturday on washingtonpost.com/recommendation. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, missmanners.com. You can even observe her @RealMissManners.